


Tremors-S1E15: Daughter of Hokumunja

by TekeoMiona



Series: Tremors-AmVerse [2]
Category: Tremors the Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TekeoMiona/pseuds/TekeoMiona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Burt and Tyler have another assignment, but with strings attached. Along with hunting, they have to play peace maker between the two tribes on the threatened island. They’ll have to put up with ridiculous clothes, Tyler’ll have to put up with an insistent admirer, and Burt’ll have to put up with Tyler. And you thought gettin’ rid of the worm was the HARD part.</p><p>***THIS IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING COMPLETELY REWRITTEN, WILL BE UPLOADED WHEN COMPLETE***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this story was really really weird, so forgive me for the really really weird thing you are about to read. Contains crossdressing (for an actual reason, not for fantasy-fetish, I promise) and Burt grows a new humour gland. Enjoy.

"Burt…Tyler…" the all too familiar voice of the DOI agent in charge of the valley interrupted the light and cheery conversation between the towns' residents with his own, less cheery and more uncomfortable, tone. The aforementioned men turned in their seats.

"Hey, Twitch," Tyler replied. "Got another worm that needs hunting?"

Twitchell tugged at his tie nervously. "Well, yes, but that's not all."

Burt raised an eyebrow, "There's more?"

Twitchell cleared his throat. "There's a small island 'bout 200 miles off the coast of Oregon. The island is home to two tribes, the Kiomanji, and the Hokumunja. They've been rivals for centuries but are finally beginning to overcome their differences. Now the leader of the Hokumunja has asked the U.S Government to send out a couple of men to ensure that the peace treaties go smoothly. Unfortunately, both tribes have no wish for U.S involvement, so the entire operation must be kept under wraps. Only the Hoku leader and his wife know about it."

"What, does this have to do with us?" Burt asked, interrupting Twitchell from his rather annoying speech. He sounded like he was reciting the official document instead of just summarizing like he normally did.

"Thankfully the Hoku leader has come up with an idea to get us inside without any trouble," Twitchell continued as if Burt had never spoken. "He has spread word that his sisters' daughter has decided to return to her ancestors' home and live with the tribe. The other half happens to be pure coincidence. The Kio leader is also expecting a distant relative to visit. His brothers', daughters', youngest nephew on her mothers' side. The government has convinced him not to visit so one of you can go in under his name. Since the two of them have never met or seen pictures of the other there should be no 'cause for suspicion. So you're to go in, make sure the peace treaties work out, take care of a graboid that has been spotted in the area, and get out."

"…So…you want us to go undercover, make peace, and kill a worm?" Tyler clarified.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Why can't you send someone else to do the peace treaties?" Burt asked in annoyance. "Our job description only includes graboids, shriekers, and assblasters, not peace makers."

"Yes, well, to make sure that the integrity of the mission remains intact they only want two people to go in. So, since you guys are the best at killing worms and Tyler is a…good…actor…they want you to go."

Something in the way he said 'good actor' made Tyler feel uneasy. "What's the catch?"

"What?"

"You said, 'good actor' like there was some kind of catch to it. What is it?"

"Ah, well," Twitchell gave a nervous laugh. "See, they're….expecting….a…uh…well…they're expecting a man and woman. Not two men."

"….I gotta pretend to be a _girl_?"

"Uh! What's wrong with being a girl?" Rosalita demanded.

"W-Nothing," Tyler assured her hastily. The Latino just rolled her eyes in the other women's direction.

"The pay's $10,000," Twitchell added, sensing the other men drawing away.

"10,000?" Nancy asked in amazement. "Wow, they really want that taken care of huh?"

"You guys should take it!" Jodi urged. The men just stared at her. "Oh, come on. I'm sure it won't be that bad. So Tyler has to wear dress for a few days. It could be worse. And besides, we could use the money."

"She's right," Nancy agreed. "We still haven't finished deepening the well either and we'll need to get that done before the summer tour and survival school rush starts."

Burt and Tyler shared a reluctant look. It was true they needed to finish the well, as well as several other bills they needed to pay. And $10,000 would take out a huge chunk of that, probably even all of it.

Tyler sighed. "Fine. We'll do it, but if I have to do anything other than wear a dress I'm out."

"Trust me, that's all you need," Twitchell promised.

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


"This is embarrassing," Burt grumbled, looking down at the strange colored leggings that just barely reached his hips and the leather shirt that looked more like something Rosalita would wear.

"What the hell are you complainin' about?" Tyler asked from the bathroom. "You're not the one wearin' a friggin' dress."

"It can't be that bad, Tyler," Jodi said. "Come on out and let us see."

"I would rather take the blame for breaking Betsy," Tyler said flatly.

Rosalita winced. "Wow, that must be one heck of a dress."

Burt sighed and leaned through the door, grabbing Tyler's arm and dragging him out into the open.

The Hoku chief had specifically picked out the dress among the most common ones worn by Hoku women. It was fairly plain, barely brushing against the floor and the sleeves reached clear to the end of his fingertips. It was made of a silky-type fabric of a beautiful amber color with a thin netting of light brown on top. A darker brown veil covered most of his face, leaving only his eyes and forehead exposed; and to finish, a pair of customary moccasins to cover his feet. Burt wore similar ones meant for men.

"Wow," Rosalita said, staring at him. "You look like a girl alright. A rather flat chested girl, but a girl."

"Aw, you look so cute!" Nancy cried, grinning like a mother on prom night. Tyler just glared at her through the veil.

Jodi giggled. "Ok you two. Smile for the camera!"

"What cam-?" the light flashed before Tyler could finish. "Gah, Jodi!" he rubbed his eyes to get rid of the temporarily blindness.

"Ok, chopper's ready," Twitchell called, stepping into Nancy's living room. He started to say something else but paused when his eyes landed on Burt and Tyler. "Well….you two look nice."

"Shut up," Tyler mumbled. He looked down at the dress. "Was it really necessary to put this on _now_? It's going to be a pain wearing in the helicopter."

"Hey, just be glad you're not wearing high heels," Rosalita said laughing.

Tyler sighed. She had a point there. "But why does it have to be so long?"

"Hides your masculinity," Twitchell replied. He chuckled a little. "And seems to be doing a dang good job of it too. And as for putting it on now, Chief Kumanju will be waiting for us when we touch down, so you'll have to be ready."

"Well, come on Tyler. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can get this over with and wear normal clothes again," Burt said, patting him on the shoulder.

Tyler sighed again but didn't complain again as Burt picked up the last of the luggage and headed out the door. The women said their goodbyes as they piled into the helicopter and watched them disappear over the horizon. And even then Tyler swore he could still hear their giggling.


	2. Chapter 2

The trip to the island was more or less uneventful. Twitchell filled them in on a few more minor, yet annoying, details. The main being that the people they were masquerading as did not know each other so they could not be seen together in public without good reason.

The second minor detail really only affected Tyler. Apparently the Hoku chief didn't know that the 'niece' he was pretending to have wasn't actually a niece. So Tyler would have to keep up his pretenses at _all_ times; a fact which proved only to annoy the younger man even more and he spent the rest of the flight in stony silence. Twitchell swore he could see the plans of revenge in his eyes.

It took a little under three hours to reach the island. The leader of the Hokumunja tribe –whose name was Tedd, oddly enough– was waiting on the beach that temporarily served as their landing site. He hurried to meet them as soon as they landed, smiling warmly.

"So good you here," he greeted in broken English, shaking Twitchell's arm heartily. He was a fairly aged man and about an inch taller than Burt. He wore the same style of clothes as well.

"It's good to be here," Twitchell replied. He turned to the two Perfection men. "This is Burt and T-Mellarie."

Burt grabbed Tyler's arm in warning before the man could voice the protest clearly visible on his face. Twitchell winced. That was going to cause him major trouble later on, he knew it.

Tedd smiled and shook Burt's hand with the same enthusiasm as he had Twitchell's. "So good to meet you," he turned to Tyler," And happy to have beauty niece if for short time."

Tyler just stood there as his 'uncle' took his hand and touched it to his forehead. "Welcome to family, Mellarie."

It took a hard jab from Burt's finger to get Tyler to respond. He forced a smile.

"Th-Thanks," Tyler fought back a sharp retort and glare as Burt jabbed him again, reminding him to make his voice a little higher. Luckily Tedd didn't notice anything and just smiled happily.

"Well," Twitchell clapped his hands together and grinned. "Call if you need anything. Oh, and please refrain from blowing up the island."

Burt made a sort of angry chipmunk face at that last part but refrained from saying anything. Twitchell gave a last wave before climbing back into the helicopter and flew off.

"Come, come," Ted urged, motioning for them to follow him. "We get settled in village now."

He led them to his house on the edge of the Hokumunja village where Tyler would be staying. He left to let him settle down in his room, saying he would be back soon to take Burt to the other village. Tyler flopped down on the small bed.

"I have a bad feeling about this," he grumbled.

"How so?" Burt asked, setting the man's bags in a small closet.

"No idea."

Burt sighed. "We'll have to wait awhile before killing the graboid, to avoid suspicion. Twitchell said most sightings have been on the other side of the island so far. There's a map in your bag, I'll meet you there tomorrow night."

"'Kay," Tyler sat up despondently, "I'll try not to crack before then."

"Whatever," Burt rolled his eyes. "Just make sure to act like a girl, okay Mellarie?"He picked up his bags and left the room, missing the rather deadly glare Tyler gave him.

Tedd met him in the hallway. "Good, good, you ready?"

Burt nodded and the chief quickly ushered him outside and led him down a long path through the woods. He stopped just before a stream.

"This border, can go no farther. Follow path, it take you right to village," Tedd smiled.

"Thanks," Burt returned the smile a little less enthusiastically and waded through the shallow water to the other side.

The brush was heavier on this side of the river, growing over the path at times, and it took a bit longer than Burt first thought to get to the village. Eventually he made it, stepping out into a large meadow at the edge of a cliff where the village lay.

"Habi! You made it!"

Burt turned towards the voice simply because of how close it sounded. He didn't really expect the person to come straight for him and pull him into a hug.

"Papa was worried you would miss the festival," the man pulled away to look at Burt. He had short black hair, light brown eyes, and a strange childish aura around him that vaguely reminded the survivalist of Larry.

Burt smiled at him weakly, "Wouldn't dream of it."

The man laughed. "Oh, I am sorry. I forgot we have never met before. I am Chuca, Chief Ciiku's son. We are cousins."

"Ah," Burt gave a more genuine smile. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you Chuca."

Chuca grabbed Burt's hand and tugged him towards the village. "Come on, I'll show you our home."

"So what festival were you talking about?" Burt asked as they walked.

"The Neetsu Festival," Chuca replied. "It is to celebrate the blooming of the Neecu."

"Neecu?"

"It is an important plant of our island. The leaves are good for many uses. Stomach cramps, aching muscles. Pregnant women often take it to insure good health for the baby when it is born. And you can brew the leaves into a tea to stave off hunger if there is little to eat. But the flower of the Neecu is said to have near magical healing abilities."

"'Is said to?'" Burt raised an eyebrow. "Like a myth."

"Well, no," Chuca frowned slightly. "The flower only blooms every 48 years or so. I am only 32 so I have never actually witnessed its miracles. But it has been used by both tribes for centuries. Unfortunately, the flower is only good for a few years before it becomes too old to be any good. And the flower is only in bloom for three days before it closes again."

"Hmm. So why is it so special?"

"It can cure a number of diseases that are otherwise either hard to cure or incurable. But I am mostly excited to hear their song."

"Song?"

Chuca grinned excitedly. Yep, definitely reminded him of Larry. "The Neecu are the only flowers in the world that can make a sound all their own. They do it to attract the pollen carriers because they have no scent and are very plain. So they have to make a sound that draws the attention of insects, bats, and birds. Of course one hardly ever believes that until they hear it. It seems preposterous, a plant making noise."

"Eh, not that preposterous," Burt murmured under his breath, thinking of the 'Plantimal' that had invaded the valley several months ago. That scream still sort of creeped him out.

"Here we are!" Chuca grabbed the survivalist again and pulled him into a large house sitting on the edge of the cliff. "Papa! Habi is here!"

It suddenly occurred to Burt at that moment that Twitchell had neglected to tell him what the person's name he was impersonating was. If Chuca hadn't of found him and called him it first he could have messed up the entire mission. He was definitely going to give the annoying man a lecture about that when they got back. But for now he was going to have to survive being tackled into a tight hug from another overexcited man. He guessed the island didn't get very many visitors.

"Nephew, it is good to have you!" Chief Ciiku was at least ten years younger than Chief Kumanju and spoke English a bit better. "I was afraid you not come before Neetsu. It is rare thing, sad to miss."

Burt nodded. "Yes, Chuca was explaining it to me on the way here. It sounds very interesting."

Ciiku nodded vigorously. "It is. I first saw when I was six, is good memory."

Chuca tugged at Burt's arm. "Come on, I will show you our room. You will be sleeping with me for now."

The room was a little cramped with two beds but it worked. Burt set his bags next to his bed and sat down.

"I will leave you to rest, I have heard flying can be tiresome," Chuca smiled. "If you need anything do not hesitate to ask."

Burt nodded and the boy left. He lay back on the bed and sighed. So far, so good. Now if he could just get the rest of the trip to go as smoothly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will be switching from Burt's pov to Tyler's pov, by the way. This is Tyler.

Tyler wasn't really sure what woke him up but whatever it was he instantly decided that he hated the dang thing. Every time he had tried to get out of the suffocating dress and into his bed his dear and loving uncle would walk in, completely unannounced, and ask if he was settling in ok, did he need anything, did he remember where the outhouse was? He'd finally just given up and crawled into bed dress and all. And then he couldn't get to sleep because the stupid fabric kept wrapping around his legs and twisting in every which way. It was early morning before he managed to fall asleep and now that confounded noise had to go and wake him up. Dammit. He was going to give Twitchell hell for this and the women could just forget asking for his help on their cars or anything else for a good long while.

The sun was still about an hour or two away from rising but Tyler could already hear the sounds of people stirring in the village. The Chief had mentioned during supper that island life started early. He hoped that didn't necessarily mean the same for him, at least not for today. Few of these people had ever flown on a plane or helicopter before but they must have still heard the concept of jetlag, right? Not that three hours did all that much to you, but it was an easier excuse than 'I couldn't sleep well because of my dress and I couldn't take it off otherwise you would realize I'm a man.' He wasn't sure how well that would play out.

"Mellarie?" Chief Kumanju's voice came through the door, a soft rapping following. So _now_ he decides to knock.

Tyler sighed and sat up, straightening his dress and veil. "Come in."

Tedd opened the door and peered around it, smiling happily when he saw Tyler. "Already dressed? Excited for the day, yes?"

Tyler smiled back. "Guess so. What's on the agenda?"

"Very much, very much," Tedd replied happily, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. "First, we eat breakfast. Then we visit other village. We trying to make peace, today we have another talk. You help yes?"

"That's the idea," Tyler replied.

"Good, good," Tedd ushered him into the front of the house.

They hurried through a breakfast of eggs that definitely were not from a chicken and bacon that definitely did not come from a pig before heading out. Tyler noticed there were quite a few decorations being put up. Any other time he would have been interested in why but with his small amount of sleep he just couldn't bring himself to care right then.

Unfortunately, Tedd caught his glance at the preparations and immediately launched into a long explanation. Tyler managed to nod enough to seem interested but the only thing he really caught was Neetsu and something about singing plants. Whatever that was.

After that they traveled in relative silence until they came to the other village. They were also in the middle of preparing for the festival and Tyler could see Burt helping decorate what could only be the Chiefs' house.

Tedd headed straight for them, calling a greeting in the islands' native language.

"Chief Kumanju!" a young man returned the greeting with a grin that instantly had Tyler thinking _'Larry'_.

"Chuca," Tedd nodded at him politely. "Your father home?"

Chuca shook his head. "There was some problem in the village. But he will return soon."

Tyler couldn't help but notice that for two warring tribes they seemed to be rather relaxed with each other. A glance in Burt's direction confirmed that the survivalist thought so too. _'Maybe their talks have been going better than we thought,'_ Tyler smiled inwardly. If that was the case then their job would be much easier.

Tedd headed inside the house, leaving Tyler with the others. Chuca turned to him, his mouth opening to say something. But nothing came out. Instead he just stood there, staring at Tyler with a stunned expression. Tyler stared back at him, not really sure what was wrong with the man.

"Chuca, stop staring, you make her uncomfortable," another man said, elbowing him in the side.

Chuca started. "Right," he smiled nervously. "I am sorry, you just…..uh, look familiar."

The statement came out more as a question and Tyler knew that was not at all why he was being stared at. His tired mind couldn't really figure out the real reason, but he knew it wasn't familiarity.

"I am Chuca," the man held out his hand.

"Mellarie," Tyler replied, shaking his hand cautiously.

"So…." Chuca wrung his hands as he looked for something to say.

Tyler decided to look at some of the decorations and left the man to his oddness. Or tried to anyway but the nervous man ended up trailing after him as he circled the house.

"You traveled here with Habi, yes?" Chuca asked finally.

"Huh?" Tyler gave him a blank look.

"My cousin. He traveled here with you on the, uh…..helicopter," Chuca explained.

"Oh." He was talking about Burt. "Yeah, I did."

Chuca nodded and lapsed into silence again. It only lasted for about thirty seconds though before he started up again.

"Have you ever heard of the Neetsu festival?"

Tyler nodded. "I think Chief Kumanju was saying something about it earlier but all I caught was singing plants."

"Those are the Neecu," Chuca replied. "They're-"

It was that moment when Tyler's' dress decided to be incredibly annoying. It snagged on a bush, pulled enough for Tyler to stumble before freeing itself, and before Tyler could get his balance again his foot ran into a stupid tree root. Chuca managed to catch him before he face planted but ended up falling over himself. He landed on his bottom with Tyler on his lap.

Tyler started to mumble a threat to his dress but stopped when he saw Chuca's face turn redder than a tomato. The man's nervous fretting suddenly made complete sense and Tyler felt his own face grow warm. Chuca thought he was, was…No, no, no, this was NOT happening!

An annoyingly familiar chuckle made him look up. Burt was leaning against the edge side of the house and watching them with an amused look.

"Come on lovebirds, the chief is back," Burt grinned.

Tyler glared at the survivalist and his new found humor as he left. Grumbling evil threats under his breath he got to his feet and stomped off, leaving a very embarrassed and confused Chuca behind.

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


It was well after nightfall before the talks ended. They had gotten closer to an agreement but were actually far from any peace. Apparently the relaxed conversation between Chuca and Tedd had been because of their personal friendship. The first half of the meeting had gone fairly well. And then Tyler had foolishly said something about the Neecu and Ciiku had accused Kumanju of starting the foraging early and cheating his tribe out of their fair share of flowers. From then on it had been nothing but arguments.

Tyler was sitting on a bench on the edge of the cliff and drinking a cup of apple cider when Burt finally came and talked to him. He watched him sit out of the corner of his eye but didn't say anything, more out of annoyance from the 'lovebirds' thing than evading suspicion.

"So, how was your first day?" Burt asked.

"Fine."

Burt chuckled. "Ya know you didn't have to leave in such a huff. You hurt his feelings."

Tyler glared at him. "Stop enjoying this."

"Sorry," Burt cleared his throat and went back to his normal serious look. "Anyway, I'm supposed to ask….do you hate him or something?"

His reply was a hard kick to the shin.

"When are we gonna look for the worm?" Tyler asked.

Burt sighed, rubbing his leg. "Later tonight. Did you bring your map?"

"Didn't have a chance to grab it. And I thought we'd be going back anyway."

"You were supposed to but it's too late now so you'll be staying in the guest house on the other side of the village. Here," Burt handed him his own map. "I've figured out how to get there from here so I don't need it. I'll meet you there in three hours."

Tyler took the map and nodded.

"Mellarie!" Tedd called from the chiefs' house. "We go now!"

"See ya later," he mumbled.

"Careful of the graboid," Burt warned. Without their seismos, avoiding the worm would be a bit difficult.

Tyler nodded and left. He was about four feet away when Burt turned and added on last thing.

"And try not to trip this time."


	4. Chapter 4

Burt sat with his back against the rock and watched the occasional puff of dust from the ground. He had been late leaving since Chuca had stayed up, too nervous and freaked out about the whole 'Tyler storming off' thing. Burt had tried to comfort him, saying Mellarie was probably just tired or it was that time of the month. After explaining what 'that time of the month' meant, he finally got Chuca to believe that was what it was and had nothing to do with him. He still ended up talking about her for another hour though. One of the more awkward conversations in Burt's life. But finally the love struck man had fallen asleep and after making sure the rest of the family was too Burt had made his escape.

Now he was waiting for the worm to go away so Tyler could show up. It was about half an hour after the agreed meeting time and Burt figured the other man was only late because of the giant underground predator patrolling the sand near Burt's rock.

Suddenly what sounded like a stampede came from the direction of the village. The graboid quickly turned and raced after the sound and moments later he could see Tyler walking over calmly.

"What the heck was that?" Burt asked as soon as he was in hearing range.

Tyler shrugged. "Think it was a herd of pigs or something. Threw a bunch a rocks at 'em and they started running."

"Hm. Well, let's get started," Burt hopped down from his perch and headed towards the ocean.

"So what exactly is the plan?" Tyler asked.

"Twitchell said he would drop a box of dynamite just off the shore," Burt replied. "There should be a buoy marking it."

"Ya mean that?" Tyler pointed to something floating on the waves about a kilometer out.

Burt pulled out the flashlight he had brought with him and shown it on the water. It barely reached the object but was enough to tell its shape. "Yep. One of us'll have to swim out an-"

"Me," Tyler said quickly. "I want out of this damn thing for awhile."

Burt smiled as the young man quickly stripped down to his boxers, dropping the dress recklessly to the ground, but had enough sense not to chuckle this time. Tyler slid down the small bank and into the water.

He reached the buoy quickly and dove, popping up moments later with something in his arms. It took a bit longer for him to swim back but eventually he climbed out on the shore hefting a medium-sized waterproof box.

Burt opened it. Inside were three sticks of dynamite, a handful of concussion grenades, a detonation device, a toy truck, and two handguns. Tyler picked one of the guns up.

"What does he think we're gonna have to do, shoot the locals?"

Burt shrugged. Small handguns like these wouldn't do much against a giant graboid or shriekers if it came to that. That agent had an odd brain.

"Well, let's get back to that rock, see if the worm comes back," Burt said. "Get this-"

"Hey!" A sudden unfamiliar voice sounded behind them, making them jump.

The next few moments was a scramble of hiding the box and shoving Tyler's dress back on, a miracle in and of itself.

"What you do out here?" an elderly woman emerged from the trees, glaring at them suspiciously. Tyler's veil was only partially on but thankfully it was too dark see clearly.

"Uh, just, taking a walk," Burt answered.

The woman scrutinized them for a few moments before smiling. "Ok. But save walks for daytime, night not safe. There strange disappearances lately."

"We'll remember that. Thank you."

The old woman gave them another smile and left. Tyler sighed. "Wow. That was close. Good thing she didn't notice anything."

"Come on, let's get out of here," Burt grumbled, grabbing the box. "We'll try again tomorrow night."

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


"Habi!"

Burt looked up from where he was stringing shells together to see Chuca stalking up to him angrily. "Chuca? What's wrong?"

"What do you mean what's wrong!? You went and got cozy with Mellarie last night after I told you I liked her! How could you do something like that?"

"Wha-" Burt just stared at him blankly for a moment. "Where did you hear that?"

"Meena told me!" Chuca was glaring at him with a mixed look of hurt, betrayal, and anger.

Burt was about to ask who that was when he suddenly remembered the woman who had found him and Tyler sneaking around, and the strange smile she had given them. Crap. "Oh, no, Chuca it wasn't anything like that, I swear."

"Then how do you explain her dress being all messed up?"

"I-…uh…" Dang it! Tyler was the one skilled with the spontaneous stories, not Burt. He didn't even know where to start.

Chuca let out an annoyed huff and left, leaving Burt standing there feeling like he had just been in an actual love spat.

He groaned and dropped his head into his hand. This was _not_ going well.

"What's with you?" Tyler came up behind him, startling him.

Burt sighed. "Chuca thinks I have a thing with you."

Raised eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because that woman who spotted us last night saw enough to get the wrong impression."

"…..Ew."

Burt frowned. "Well you don't have to sound like it's _that_ disgusting," he said, feeling insulted.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Are we still on for tonight?"

Burt thought for a moment. "No, I think I should try to patch things up with Chuca first. Otherwise it might just bring up more problems later on. Let's go tomorrow night."

"But tomorrow's the festival."

"Well, then I guess we'll have a good distraction. Might even be better for us. In the mean time, you can go get kiss up to Chuca."

"Why me? You're the one he's mad at!"

"Exactly. He might listen to you better," Burt grinned. "Just calm him down and I'll patch things up tonight."

Tyler narrowed his eyes at him but couldn't retort as Ciiku came up to them. "Ah, Mellarie, Habi. Have you seen Chuca? He seem rather upset, I wanted to talk to him but he left."

Tyler sighed. "Yeah, I was just about to go do that."

"You know why he is mad?" Ciiku looked at him curiously.

"Apparently," Tyler shot the survivalist another look. "I'll go see if I can help him."

"Ah," Ciiku grinned brightly and watched him walk away. He turned to Burt. "I like that girl. Very nice. Well, come, come, we have much to do before tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the chapter where the reason why Tyler has to be so "hidden" is revealed. Sort of. You won't get it 'til the finale though. hehe.

It took awhile of searching and asking questions but Tyler finally found his broken hearted admirer. Chuca was on top of a pile of boulders overlooking the ocean, lying on his back and staring up at the sky. Tyler hesitated a moment before joining him.

"Hey."

Chuca glanced at him before looking away again. Tyler sighed.

"Look Chuca, despite what you might think, nothing happened last night."

Chuca just grunted disbelievingly.

"Ok, well, _something_ happened," Tyler admitted. "But not what you think, I swear."

"Then what did happen?"

"We-I, was taking a walk," Tyler said, thinking quickly. "And I accidentally attracted the attention of some…..giant underground creature I guess."

"Graboid," Chuca said simply, looking slightly worried that it had nearly claimed his crush as its next victim. "It usually stays on the other side of the island because of the herds of wild pigs that are too stupid to run away."

Tyler nodded. "I didn't know that at the time. Anyway, Habi was taking a walk too since he's not used to the time difference yet. He saw the thing before I did and managed to yank me to safety but we ended up rolling down a small rocky incline in the process. That's why my dress was so messed up. And then that's when that lady found us but I was too embarrassed to really say anything about the creature."

Chuca had sat up while Tyler talked and was watching him attentively. He nodded slowly.

"Then I should apologize and thank him for saving you." He gave a small smile. "So….you are not interested in him?"

"Not in the slightest," Tyler assured.

"Good," Chuca grinned victoriously and despite the slightly creepy feeling it brought Tyler couldn't help but smile too. The man just reminded him too much of Larry; grinning like the luckiest man in the world whenever Jodi praised him for something. Tyler vaguely wondered if the two were related. They acted so much alike, although Tyler had to admit Chuca was maybe just a hint more dramatic.

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


"Mellarie, could you grab the shells please?" Tedd asked as he made his way out the door.

It was a few hours before sunset and then the Neetsu Festival would begin. Tedd and Tyler had returned to the Hokumunja village around midday and joined the preparations for the celebration.

Tyler was trying to use the work as a way to ignore his thoughts but it wasn't really working for him. Chuca had apologized to Burt for jumping to conclusions and everything had been hunky-dory. Then the Larry-look-alike had had to go and get a brilliant idea; the annoying part being that the idea actually _was_ brilliant and Burt had agreed immediately, much to Tyler's chagrin. Chuca had decided that to make up for his mistake, he was going to show them the Misuuru, which translated to 'water of dancing lights'. Which was over on the other side of the island and gave Burt and Tyler a great excuse for being in that area. The only problem was that Chuca would be there and it would be hard to get away and blow up the giant worm without him noticing. That and he was using the time as a sort of 'date' with 'Mellarie'. That's what Tyler was currently trying to forget at the moment; it was unbelievably weird to have a dude crushing on you when he doesn't even know you're a dude.

"Suule, Mellarie."

Tyler looked up to see one of the village girls coming up to him with a fresh basket of seashells.

"Suule," he greeted in return, trying to remember if he had met her already.

She smiled. "I am Anni. My mother is the tribe healer."

"Ah, cool."

Anni set the basket down and began helping him string the shells and hang them on the house.

"So I hear you have date with Chuca from the Kiomanji tribe," she giggled. "You are lucky, there are many girls who like him but he does not respond. He is usually after the men."

Tyler nearly dropped his shells at that. "He's what?"

"Chuca is one who does not like women," Anni repeated. "I believe it is called…um, gay?"

"Oh," Tyler felt his cheeks heating up rapidly. It explained why Chuca found him so attractive and why he had been so startled when he first saw him. But it didn't really make Tyler feel any better about the situation. "That's nice."

Anni giggled at his face. "Why are you so red?"

"Uh, it's nothing. Just….hot I guess," Tyler mumbled, busying himself with the decorations. He couldn't wait until this mission was over.

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


Tyler Reed, a man who could outrun and outdrive anyone and who could spin stories faster than a record…..and he had no freaking idea what to do and nowhere to go. All he could do was sit there with Chuca's arm around his shoulders and listen to the story of Misuuru; which of course was about two lovers of the sea. And Burt, damn him, was just sitting over there, face completely void of expression as always, but Tyler was positive the man was just dying of laughter on the inside. He was so going to pay for this. Maybe throw him out of the helicopter and make him swim all the way home.

"So Chuca, when does the festival start?" Burt asked, interrupting his story.

"Soon," Chuca replied. "It is custom for the harvesting to begin after all light from the sun is gone from the sky."

"So the Misuuru will be gone?" Tyler asked, trying to keep the hopefulness out of his voice.

"Yes, unfortunately. The coral do not glow in moonlight."

"Too bad," Burt said. "Well, I think I`m gonna go take a little walk."

"Be careful of the worm," Chuca warned as the survivalist got to his feet and left.

Tyler mumbled an insult under his breath, cursing the man for leaving him here alone. Chuca looked at him curiously.

"Is something wrong Mellarie?"

"No."

"Oh."

"So…." Tyler chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully.

Chuca chuckled. "That is so cute."

"Huh? What is?"

"You, chewing your lip. It is cute. Has no one ever told you before?"

"….Uh…N-no?" His stuttering only served to make Chuca`s grin widen and Tyler could feel his cheeks flaming. "How can you even see that through the veil?" Tyler touched his cheek to make sure he hadn`t forgotten to put it on, though he was pretty sure Burt would have said something if he had.

"I could still see movement and the nervous look in your eyes," Chuca answered, giggling.

"Oh…"

There was a moments` silence between them before Chuca did something completely and utterly unexpected. He leaned over, pushed the bottom of the veil up, and kissed him.

Tyler`s eyes flew open wide in shock and he froze for a second before throwing his hands up and pushing Chuca away.

"I can`t do this!"

"Huh?"

"I`m not gay! Not that I have a problem with them, I mean I don`t. And this whole thing probably wouldn`t be so awkward if Twitch hadn`t turned me into a freaking cross-dresser and Burt hadn`t gone and developed a sense of humor but you still remind me a lot of another friend and that in itself is just really really weird."

For a long moment Chuca just sat there and stared at him and Tyler suddenly realized what he had just given away.

"Oh, shit, I-I didn`t…I mean….I-"

Chuca held up a hand to stop him. "Just….let me get something understood here. You….are not a girl?"

"Uh….no," Tyler said finally, admitting defeat. There was no way he could take back everything he said anyway. "I`m not."

"….Well now I know why I found you attractive. I have never found women to be that for me. But…why are you dressed like one? And who are….Burt and Twitch?"

Tyler sighed. "It`s a bit of a long story."

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


Burt was sitting on the same rock as before when Tyler and Chuca found him. Tyler had explained everything to Chuca and he had taken it fairly well, in fact was rather glad Tedd had called in help. He too thought that the peace talks were getting nowhere. Not to mention his people did not have a way to destroy the worm by themselves. Now all Tyler had to do was explain to Burt why he had ruined the secrecy of the mission.

"Hey Burt."

Burt gave a small grunt of acknowledgement, concentrating on the small toy truck zigzagging across the sand.

"Hey Burt," Chuca said as well.

It took the man a moment or two to realize that Chuca wasn`t supposed to know his real name. He looked up at them in surprise. "Wait, what?"

"I, kinda told Chuca who we were and what we were doin´ here," Tyler explained.

"What the heck did you do that for?"

"Well…"

"I figured it out," Chuca came to his rescue. "That he wasn`t really a girl."

"Yeah," Tyler was thankful he didn`t say anything about the kiss. With Burt`s newfound humor who knew how he would respond to that.

Burt frowned a moment but a low bellow from the Graboid kept him from saying anything. They all turned to see a line of dust speeding towards the tiny truck.

"Why are you using a toy?" Chuca asked.

"We attach a stick of dynamite to it and let the worm swallow it," Tyler explained. "Then we can blow it up without having to worry about gettin` swallowed in the process."

"Ok, now be quiet," Burt hissed. He watched as the truck disappeared beneath the surface just as the night was suddenly shaken by a loud boom and many colourful lights lit up the sky.

"What the?" Tyler and Burt stared up in surprise as firework after firework exploded high above their heads.

Chuca grinned. "The festival has begun!"

"Nice timing," Tyler commented, picking up the detonation device from Burt´s lap. He pressed the button and with a boom and large puff of dust and guts the menace was gone, hardly heard over the noise of the fireworks.

Chuca clapped his hands together gleefully. "It is safe now! Come! We must join the harvesting; the Neecu will begin their song soon!"

He jumped off the rock and raced off towards the village. Tyler and Burt followed him after hiding the rest of the equipment.

The village was empty when they arrived, everyone already out collecting the rare flowers. One such lone flower was just outside the village. Tyler saw it out of the corner of his eye and stopped to look at it. It was a beautiful light blue and seemed to shine in the darkness. Tyler couldn't help but think it odd that pollen carriers wouldn't be attracted to such a flower. It certainly didn't look very plain to him.

"Mellarie, come on!" Chuca called from the village.

"Coming!" Tyler turned back to the path and hurried to catch up, accidently running into another islander going the opposite way. They collided rather painfully, the man's basket of flowers going everywhere.

"Oi, watch it," he grumbled.

"Sorry," Tyler helped him to his feet and gather the flowers again. He started when he realized they looked nothing like the one he had just seen. Instead they were a dull pink, almost ugly. "Are these Neecu?"

The man nodded, his graying hair reflecting the light of the fireworks. "Why, you never seen 'em before?"

"Well, I thought I had. I saw another flower down the path that didn't look like the normal plants and thought it was Neecu. Guess I was wrong though. Sorry again," Tyler handed him the basket of flowers and hurried down the trail again.

Burt and Chuca were waiting at the edge of the woods.

"Took you long enough, Ty, what were you doing?" Chuca asked.

"Got caught up in some traffic," Tyler replied.

"Well come on," Chuca ushered them into the trees. "They will start singing soon and it is best heard when you are deep amongst them."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _was_ going to put in more description for the singing flowers, as well as the scene for what happened during the ceremony, but this whole chapter was bugging the hell outta me and I couldn't figure out how. So now it's a skimpy description and a "secret". Sorry.

Burt Gummer never knew he could be so poetic. He was not a man of romantic and elegant sayings; he said what he needed to get his message across and no more. He saw no reason for fancy words and those annoying little allusions with some deep meaning to them. Not to say he hated meaningful things; he had run into plenty in his lifetime and he cherished many of them. But it didn't mean he had to let the world know, it wasn't any of their business anyway.

So of course it surprised him when his mental description of the singing Neecu sounded like it should be in the British Literature text book he'd had in college. Nancy must be finally rubbing off on him.

Behind him Tyler murmured something under his breath while Chuca bounced alongside him with a huge grin on his face as he looked up at the trees with a faraway look in his eye.

"The girls are gonna be so jealous," Tyler said finally, his voice low. It didn't seem right to talk when the flowers were singing.

Burt nodded in agreement although he wasn't sure how they could even describe the singing well enough to do it justice. He might have had a elegant description of it in his mind but he doubted he could put it into words.

Chuca sighed regretfully. "We must get to work. There are a lot of flowers to collect before they close again."

He handed them each a basket and they split up to insure a larger harvest. There were many others gathering as well but despite the large amount of people hardly any words were spoken, letting the powerful and moving music of the Neecu ring undisturbed through the night air.

  
**_ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO _ **   


So you know how things will be going really well, and you think, "This will be easy." And then suddenly something super random and drastic happens and you just wanna sink into the ground and die?

Well...it happens to the best too. Or maybe not so best, since he never even realized it was happening.

Burt would never forgive himself for this. He was a paramilitary, paranoid, seasoned survivalist for worm's sake! He should have seen the signs. They were all there; the whispers and giggles whenever he and Tyler were caught talking secretively about the peace talks, the sudden suggestion that 'Habi' and 'Mellarie' should take part in the Tuklachak, Chuca's less-than-enthusiastic reaction to the news.

Yes, Burt was definitely embarrassed for more reasons than the obvious. Although, the obvious was pretty embarrassing.

"Just so we're clear, no one EVER finds out about this, right?" Tyler yanked off the silver and white dress with streaks of the ugly pink of the Neecu that he had been wearing all day and threw it none-too-gently across the room.

Burt nodded in quick agreement. If Twitchell ever found out...no, if the women ever found out...he had to suppress a shudder.

"I hate this assignment," Tyler mumbled for about the millionth time.

Burt sighed. "Well...at least the peace between the tribes has been restored so we can go home now. Twitchell should be here in about an hour."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"You can't, he signs our checks. Which we're gonna need to fix this mess."

"I'll kill him after then."

This was so weird. Usually Burt was the hotheaded one threatening to shoot someone. It felt odd being on the other end of the rope for once.

"Ty? Are you in there?" Chuca's voice drifted through the door, followed by a soft knocking. Tyler simply glared at the barrier with no reply.

Burt sighed heavily. "Come in."

Chuca opened the door and slipped inside, blushing slightly when he saw that Tyler was only in his boxers. The deadly glare on his crush's face, however, kept him from commenting on it.

"You are leaving soon?" he asked.

"Yes," Burt replied. "In fact, we were supposed to head for the rendezvous point ten minutes ago."

The boy nodded. "I am sorry for everything that happened," he apologized for the third time that day. "I did not realize they would ask you to do such a thing."

Burt just grunted and went back to his packing. He just wanted to get off this annoying island and back to his isolated little desert valley as soon as possible.

Chuca seemed to realize that neither of them were in the mood to do much talking so he kept quiet after that and helped them pack their things. He also found a large cloak for Tyler to wear so he could wear his own clothes without breaking the secret to the rest of the island.

They said goodbye to the islanders in the village before Tedd led them back to the same place they'd been dropped off. Chuca stayed behind.

The helicopter arrived shortly after they did and in no time at all they were flying back towards the states, back to Nevada, where they could pretend that the last few days had never ever happened. EVER.

*a few weeks later*

Jodi shifted through the stack of mail on the counter, separating them to put in their respective slots. She paused when she came to the last envelope and stared at the name it was addressed to.

"Mr. and Mrs. Habi of the Kiomanji tribe," she read out loud. She frowned in puzzlement and flipped it over to see if the other side offered any more explanation. It was blank.

"...Who the heck is Habi?"


End file.
